Every once in a while, the “Sunscreen Song” comes on my Spotify, or I think of a line from it, and I will listen to the song. I remember being diagnosed and hearing this line in my head: “The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4 PM on some idle Tuesday.”

Today, I think about this line: “Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.”

I think about my own life and those I love. Everyone is going through something. Everyone is fighting their own battles. I walk through Target looking perfectly fine. Someone may judge my weight, not knowing I had twins two years ago, that my body changed in ways I can’t repair, and that I take a medicine that keeps me alive but also causes weight gain. Someone I work with might judge me, thinking I don’t work hard enough. Another mom could look at me having a nanny or that I’m often not home when Jack gets home from school and think I’m not a good mom.

I get it. I am guilty of this too. I believe people are really trying their best. The girl wearing an outfit I judge—she looked in the mirror this morning, and she tried her best. That overweight person might be down 30 pounds from where they started. I try my best to give grace to people. We are all doing our very best with the tools we have, even if their best doesn’t meet my standards.

For the people I care about in my life, seeing them on their journeys, facing their own struggles, and hitting their own goals is one of my greatest joys. Those who know me well, know the genuine pride I have in watching the people I care about overcome THEIR obstacles. It’s not about doing what I want them to do, in the way I think it should be done, though I do often think “I know best.” 

For some people their struggles are physical—sticking to the weight loss plan or the workout routine. Sometimes it’s easily identifiable, like getting straight A’s or a promotion at work. For others, it’s mental, like overcoming what feels like an impossible heartbreak, learning to trust others, or forgiving yourself for your own shortcomings. 

One of my struggles has been learning to accept living with terminal cancer.

Some days, I’ve got it, and some days are total shit shows. Perfection is not my goal, nor do I think it should be for anyone. If perfection is the goal, failure is often the only option. Perfection does not leave a lot of room for the grace of just trying your best. I saw on a friends instagram the other day “W is for the wins, and L is for the lessons”.

Thankfully, being open about my struggles is not one of my struggles. This has allowed me to talk openly to others and find the resources I need to help me get through my struggles. The flip side to that, is my struggle of sitting in discomfort of the unknown. Sometimes I have to do it, and it is hard, and I don’t do it perfectly.

I am truly proud of the people, who get up each day and try their best, despite how hard it might be and despite how perfect they may look on the outside.
Life can be hard, but it can also be amazing. Sometimes you’re ahead, and sometimes you’re behind, but the race is long (if you are lucky), and in the end, it is only with yourself.

Here’s the song: