Last Friday was mine and Chris’s first wedding anniversary. There have been several one-year anniversaries of events in the last six months. This one, in particular, feels like a true accomplishment versus the passage of time. Chris and I met in June 2021, and we got pregnant, surprisingly (accidentally), with twins after dating for seven months. We moved in together when I was five months pregnant. We blended a family with me moving in with my mother-in-law, Maria, and my stepson, Jack. We got engaged a month after I moved in. I had the twins and was diagnosed with cancer, all before we knew each other for 18 months.

I think we chose to get married so quickly, in large part because of my diagnosis. We picked the date to coordinate getting my PET scan and needing to not be around the twins and going on a honeymoon. We had a really beautiful and fun wedding. Our friend Joe married us on the beach in Malibu. We had our reception in Pickles’ backyard. We had my favorite taco truck for dinner and called for the attire to be sweats and comfy clothes. Chris and I wore sweat suits that said “Bride/Mrs. Stewart” and “Groom/Mr. Stewart.”

As anyone who is married knows, the beauty or fun of the wedding and the success of the marriage are not related.

We have spent our newlywed year learning how to live together, be parents of twins together, navigate a blended family together, and live with me having cancer together. There have been many times when we’ve thought the easier option would be to throw in the towel. I know no one would be surprised. Look at what we’ve had to endure together.

The traditional gift for the first anniversary is paper. The explanation is that paper is fragile but if treated well can last a lifetime. I told Chris that if we are paper, we are currently wrapped in a sheet protector, on a small raft, in the middle of the ocean during a storm.

What I can say, and what I am grateful for, is that even in our worst days, Chris has made the choice to continue to try. He has shown up and problem-solved. He has never once told me tough shit or used the excuse of “this just is who I am.” He has done work and been open to new ways of doing things or trying things to make our marriage and family more successful. He is open to hearing my criticism without getting defensive. He constantly prioritizes time with me, time with Jack, and time with the twins. I have learned so much about him but also about myself in this first year of marriage.

We together have learned how to balance my love of having fun with Chris’s belief in sacrifice for long-term gain. I think we’ve learned a peace that comes from letting go of how we thought things should look or be with the realities of what works for us.

My friend sent me these questions that she and her husband review together on their anniversaries and suggested it to our group of friends.

1. How have we changed this year?
2. What obstacles have we gone through individually, and how has our relationship weathered them?
3. What hardships have happened in our relationship? Did we resolve them? Or are there things we still need to work through?
4. What turns me on about you after all these years together?
5. What do we want to accomplish individually this next year? And as a couple?
6. What three things do I appreciate about you?

Chris and I discussed these questions on our anniversary trip together. My favorite part of our anniversary this year was how much we talked. It was so nice to have time with each other, have no plans, and just hang out and talk about our lives, plans, and thoughts. We don’t do that often.

Chris is so much of the man I manifested in my mind of who I wanted to be with. He is physically strong and makes me feel that I, and our boys, are protected. He is a dedicated hard worker. I know his work ethic will translate over to his career once he’s out of school. But getting straight A’s through undergrad and all A’s and one B in grad school is something to admire.

Chris has given me a life I’ve dreamed of, to be a mom and a wife. He has also encouraged me to not completely lose my identity in these new roles and has supported me working, spending time with my friends, and being a cancer advocate.

We are far from perfect. There will continue to be days when quitting seems easier. Marriage is hard. As the phrase painted on the wall of the marriage license room in the Beverly Hills courthouse says, “a perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.” And that is what Chris and I have.